CSI Christmas Carols!
by CSI3Lyra
Summary: A collection of my random CSI Christmas carols. First one is Good King Grissom. FIVE CHAPTERS NOW! Happy fluff. I don't own CSI. Review!
1. Good King Grissom

**A/N:** My first Christmas parody!!! Hope you enjoy it. More to come. Please review, I do rather like them. I shall send you cyber-Christmas cookies!!!!! Oh, I don't own Good King Wencelas.

**CSI Parody of "Good King Wencelas"**

Good King Grissom looked out on a decomposing body.

Bugs galore they flew about, the vic was disembodied.

Brightly shone his good Maglite, though the dark was cruel.

Then Captain Jim Brass appeared, hard evidence rules!

Fingerprints could not be found, though they printed all.

'Tis a Caucasian John Doe male, Griss heard Doc Robbins call.

Cause of Death it seems to be, subdural haematoma.

Tox reports have told me that, legal limit he was over.

Greg has found a crack addict who tells them all he knows.

Seems he was high on his drugs, and a man appeared to doze.

But he was already dead, so he hacked him into pieces.

Still a crime though not murder, he's taken by polices. (artistic licence!)

So John Doe, he fell down drunk, hit his head and died.

Crack head guy is taken for an unpleasant ride.

The message goes to criminals; abandon your bad ways!

It makes more work for our dear Griss. Happy holidays!


	2. Ecklie's Carol

**Disclaimer:** As I have said, I don't own CSI. If I did, a lot of things would be different… I don't own Hark the Herald Angels Sing, either. I've just borrowed the tune and rhyming structure.

**A/N:** I got it up!! It took me ages to get "Good King Grissom" out my head, and then I had trouble with rhyming. I be eternally grateful to the lovely people who reviewed; **StarlaMarie**, **Yellowierd0**, **DarkElvenPrincess4**, and **Elizabeth Anamon**. Christmas cookies to you all!!

Now, I want **you** points finger to review!! No excuse not to! I have even included some auto reviews for you to use. So review!

Ecklie's Carol

Hark, the angels sing of me!

Glory to Conrad Ecklie!

I think I can rule o'er all

Above Grissom I stand tall.

As Assistant Lab Director

I top that butterfly collector.

Jealous of him, I really am,

And his beard rocks! Damn!

Hark, the angels sing of me!

Glory to Conrad Ecklie!

I split the team, for I'm a pig.

And my ego's scary big.

I am smarmy, cruel and strange

Nightshift fans think I'm deranged.

I only spilt that shift up cause

They were doing best, of course.

Hark, the angels sing of me!

Glory to Conrad Ecklie!

**A/N:** These are auto reviews. If you can't be bothered to write a review or are feeling pretty unoriginal, feel free to use them. Claps to Zippy-Wings for thinking them up and letting me use them.

That sucked! Please don't inflict your horrible writing skills on us again.

Yay! You updated! Do it again.

Boring.

Woo! That rocked! I really liked it!

You're weird.


	3. Once in OverPriced Las Vegas

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Once In Royal David's City. Otherwise there'd be a CD of people singing my parody. I've only borrowed it, and I think the dead guy who wrote it doesn't really care, him being preoccupied with being dead and all. And CSI is so obviously not mine. I'm not stupid enough to think people _actually_ think GSR's a good idea.

**A/N:** Yes, I am an evil, evil person for promising you all it would be up last week and then being late. However, I am the most unpunctual person I know, and I'm not really surprised I'm late. I send my sincerest apologies and gourmet burgers to all who reviewed: **Yellowierd0**, **RyanKathrynCelia**, **punkballet**, **leeta468**, **polly**, **gymclassheroes**, **stareagle**, **kylie**, and **Estel A Duath**.

This chapter is dedicated to the glorious Amy Lee of Evanescence, for being so cool and so hysterically funny.

Once in Over-Priced Las Vegas

Once in over-priced Las Vegas

Stood a dominatrix house.

Where a victim was working.

'Fore she was found dead by her spouse.

Lady Heather opens the door.

Warrant; the magic word she asks for.

Grissom and his Heather see

That they are better than GSR.

For they just get on so well.

But Gil messed it up by far.

And while Brass questions workers.

They make up, over gourmet burgers.

"Heather, darling, I am sorry

That I hurt you, I hope you see."

"Griss, I think I'll forgive you

Would you like some more tea?"

They talk of things like ancient crypts

They do not hear Brass being whipped.

All's well in over-priced Las Vegas

As Grissom and Heather kiss.

The case is solved, and Brass is fine.

But jealous Sara's getting pissed.

Happy holidays to all

Christmas joy to one and all!


	4. Twas the Night Before Christmas

**Disclaimer:** You think I own it? Well, I can suggest a very good psychologist if you really actually believe that…

**A/N:** This took me ages!! Three whole nights!!! Well, not that long, but compared to the other ones…. So, eitherwhichway, I hope you appreciate the effort I put in to this one. Because I started it as soon as I posted Ch. 3, encouraged by your _wonderful_ feedback, but then it took me long to write. But I have updated quickly!!!

Claps and cookies to the glorious people who reviewed: **Meep meep**, **Kay**, **Calleigh-star**, **Yellowierd0**, **Ally-617-luv-tv**, and **leeta468**. You guys rock the universes!!!

Chapter dedicated to reviewers, because they are such _nice_ people.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the lab.

Not a creature was stirring, not even Gil's crab.

Evidence was stacked into boxes with care

And notes were all written, without any err.

Suddenly a scream split the air of the hall

And Greggo ran madly, and started to call,

"To the break room! To the break room, the only safe place,

Ecklie's invading and has Hodges from Trace!"

The team ran swift; they'd prepared for this day.

They knew Ecklie'd crack and go psycho one day.

So they gathered together, and all huddled close.

They knew what a threat deranged Conrad would pose.

Catherine phoned Brass, and warned him of affairs,

While Nick, Greg and 'Rick built a fort out of chairs.

Grissom looked nervous, and prayed for his bugs

There hadn't been time to save them from the thugs.

The lab techs had moved upon hearing Greg's shout.

They helped Doc move faster, and they ran straight out!

So the CSIs checked supplies, and loaded their guns.

No telling what he could do, preparations had to be done!

They were just about ready, when mad laughter was heard

A terrified Hodges dragged by Ecklie emerged!

His shirt was untucked, and was covered in some juice,

And oh! The horror! His tie was loose!

He madly cackled and shouted with glee;

"I have Hodges! I have power! Bow down before me!"

The team was unimpressed with his hostage of choice

For no one liked Hodges, and his weird whiny voice.

Sara, Nick, Greg, oh they laughed at the sight

Of poor Hodges realising no one felt for his plight!

Catherine just smirked, and taunted the insane.

'Rick was hysterical at Hodges struggling in vain.

But Grissom was smart, and his spider sense he used

And gave his Ecklie-hating bugs an offer they couldn't refuse.

His spiders, his maggots, his flies and his crab

All spilled from his office, and into the lab!

For Griss knew Ecklie feared bugs above all.

Conrad's eyes widened as he saw bugs and crabs crawl.

"AHH!!! GET AWAY!!!" he screamed, high pitched

"THEY'LL KILL US ALL!!! GRISSOM'S A WITCH!!"

The team laughed and danced, how Ecklie was squealing!

As he abandoned Hodges and started appealing

"PLEASE!!! DON'T KILL ME!" he begged the creatures.

But they were unsympathetic and crawled over his features.

He ran fast as he could, but all to no avail,

As the bugs chased after him in a slithering trail

Hodges ran after his idol and panting he yelled

"Don't worry master, I'll save you" as he fell.

"Ecklie is vanquished!" they cried in delight

The team chinked glasses and laughed at Conrad's fright

As they drank champagne at the stroke of midnight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

**A/N:** For the unoriginal people who cannot think what to write in their review: auto reviews!!!! Remember, I know exactly how many people read my parodies, and a very very small percentage review. So give me an early Christmas present and REVIEW!!!

That sucked! Please don't inflict your horrible writing skills on us again.

Yay! You updated! Do it again.

Boring.

Woo! That rocked! I really liked it!

You're weird.


	5. The CSI Christmas Party

**Disclaimer:** I don't own CSI… If I did, Grissom would not ever leave, CSI would still be a number one show, and I wouldn't bring in a bunch of crappy writers that screw up all the painstaking work of the old TPTB.

**A/N:** Well, this isn't actually parodied off anything. I just wrote it. So I guess this isn't really a parody, just a very very strange poem. Although some people may find a tune that fits it… let me know.

Thank you to reviewers, **leeta468**, **PisceanPal23**, and **Yellowied0**. I send candy canes and brownies to you. I send evil scratchy cat demons to the 36 people who read it and didn't review.

CSI Christmas party commenced Christmas day

They broke out the eggnog and fake snow they sprayed.

PD was invited, the DAs came too

Carvallo did not come; laid out with the flu.

The lab techs were hyper and rocked out to the Who.

Greg wanted metal, but he's in the field too.

Ecklie was committed after yesterday's scare

So he didn't party-wreck and at everyone glare.

Greg had stuck mistletoe up at everyplace.

Which led to awkward encounters and utter disgrace.

For many were caught under branches unaware

And Sara ended up (childishly) pulling Greg's hair.

For she had to kiss him, by his specific design

Thought her heart was for Gil, for whom she continued to pine.

So she was most angry, though he was most pleased.

As Nick snapped photo blackmail from behind the tree.

Doc got rather drunk, and led karaoke with Brass.

And Nick, everyone else he far surpassed

With his heartfelt rendition of a song called Mandy

He then met under mistletoe, by chance, with Mandy.

Catherine sent smouldering glances at 'Rick,

Who promptly divorced his wife and was there in a tick.

So whilst they danced to drunk Doc's voice,

Sofia drank champagne with her drinking partner of choice.

No, not Bobby, not Hodges, nor Jim.

Super Dave was a connoisseur of fine wines and Pimms.

They drank champagne, and talked of stuff

Like DBs, cats, and up-the-nose-fluff.

And so they all danced, and got rather trashed

And Greg in his inebriated state fell down and crashed

Into the table, and onto him fell the punch.

Which ensured he'd be sleeping till at least lunch.

They would never forget the Christmas party that year

Of course, they couldn't remember it either!

All they knew is that they woke up on Boxing Day,

And to clean up the mess, they made Ecklie pay!

And so the moral, it seems to be…

Not to go near Greg at a Christmas party.

And so, don't drink, with Super Dave, ever.

Because he can _drink_ and you have a helluva hangover!

So the team, and the morgue guys, the DAs and the PD

Wish you a Christmas free from criminal activity.

And so they beg you to find a hangover cure

And Greg continues to be immature.

So merry Christmas!!!

**A/N:** C'mon, I've worked extra hard to get this up on Christmas. So review!!!! Auto reviews at your disposal…

That sucked! Please don't inflict your horrible writing skills on us again.

Yay! You updated! Do it again.

Boring.

Woo! That rocked! I really liked it!

You're weird.


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